A Harmonious Life is a Healthy LIfe
"Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony." — Mahatma Gandhi
Musical harmony is achieved when multiple notes blend together to achieve a pleasing and complimentary sound. In nature, harmony exists when all living creatures and flora fulfill their roles and benefit from one another. We are in harmony when the right balance is created between our core nature and drives and the personal demands, needs and goals playing out in our daily lives.
Our perpetual rush on the conveyor belt of life too often complicates and clouds our mindful attention. Today’s world can push and pull us in so many directions. How can we maintain focus on what can be done, when we are so often compelled to do what must be done?
Will peaceful harmony be attained when we finally acquire that prized job, credential or accolade we have been striving for; even if our focus and efforts keep us from embracing and enjoying the blessings of family, friendships, hobbies, fulfilling personal interests or partaking in exciting adventures? Perhaps, we might, for a while. Harmony equals the mindful blending of the parts present in ourselves with the parts and people present in our daily lives.
AI describes Harmony as the deliberate arrangement of different elements to create peace and flow. A few of the benefits to living a life in harmony could be: aligning what you do with your core beliefs to enhance a sense of fulfillment and of inner peace, creating healthier boundaries between demands and desires. Living in harmony with your environment can promote a sense of calm and stability, reducing stress levels and internal and external conflicts and increasing self-satisfaction.
I firmly believe in the practice of meditation as a means of maintaining a sense of harmony in my life. Meditation allows me to gain an awareness of my internal and external tugs of war when I am running everywhere all at once. This may not be a practice that works for everyone. However, it’s important to find a practice that does works for you. There are many articles and suggestions on the benefits and practice of life harmony. It’s worth a search to find the ones that are the right fit for you.
A No LImits Thought for The Day
Sometimes it only takes an attentive ear or a thoughtful, gentle word to enhance our self esteem and spark our desire to do something bold and perhaps life changing.
Your Skills, Your Action, Your Success!
Unmet and unrealistic expectations can set our negative judgements and self-doubt spiraling out of control. I think this can be especially true for adults with ADHD. Once this happens an emotional free for alI may soon follow and productive efforts are ambushed.
There is a risk of setting expectations based on what others around us do well and what others accomplish rather than the honest and objective appraisal and acceptance of personal skills and strengths.
There is no inherent value in comparing ourselves to those around us. We aren’t them and unless science comes up with a remarkable discovery, we will never be them! We are each a unique and special package of traits, talents, abilities, emotions, assets and debits. The opportunity for success increases when we are focused on our traits and how we can utilize them to our benefit. There may be times a need for some assistance is required to put the right plan and the right skills into action; but it will always be your skills and your action that will get you over the finish line.
When initiating any new endeavor, the initial question should be, what skill sets and action is required and what if any assistance will I need to be successful?
Life is a journey most appreciated when we travel as we are designed to rather than as we think we are supposed to.
Kick Start That ADHD Priority
The always unique and challenging ADHD brain can complicate the process of setting priorities and distinguishing where and how to begin.
Which priority is most important? Where to start? How do I order the multiple steps that may be required? How much time will I need to meet the deadline? Will it be perfect? For many, the process raises anxiety levels, reducing attention and increasing the search for a distraction or some reliable calming experience.
My working experiences with professionals with ADHD has led me to believe that initiating small action steps is a critical element, and is a must when you hit the wall.
Simple active steps such as: Opening your computer, clicking on your first task and working for 5 minutes, taking pen in hand and writing a sentence, picking up the phone and calling that first client as soon as you sit down at your desk (if that is too uncomfortable, pick up the phone and just hold it in your hand for a minute or two), opening your book to your first assignment and reading the first sentence, washing one dish or cup, mowing the first 3 blades of grass on your lawn. If you struggle with the idea of a small first action step; walk around the block, sing a song, whistle a happy tune, dance the Hokey Pokey, etc. Get your energy bubbling before tackling your priority. You can always decide to keep going, and as your anxiety subsides and working energy grows, it is quite likely you will.
Obviously, taking a consequential first step does not include, perusing social media, surfing your phone, calling a friend (unless you are asking them to support an action step towards your priority), shopping online, reading every article on Google news or going back to sleep. These are things that delay the activity that will get you to the promised land.
Give yourself the opportunity to discover the mountain you dread climbing is quite likely a rolling hill. Action builds momentum and confidence; avoidance conjures dread.
Perfectionism Can Be A Buzz Kill
There are many tips and strategies for managing the challenging traits of ADHD. Many are practical, workable and valuable when they fit individual working and emotional styles and are practiced. We are each unique and no strategy or tip will work equally or even successfully for everyone. Assuredly none of them will be of any benefit if they are not attempted and repeated as often as we are able.
The impulse to be perfect all or most of the time can be unnerving and disabling. Caring enough about ourselves to not surrender to the perfection impulse, and not giving in or up, is a key component. Even strategies that are beneficial, present challenges, because our efforts may not reach 100 percent every time or possibly most times. What if our efforts to adhere to the strategies that are beneficial for us were successful 50 -70% of the time and perhaps we even reached 80% occasionally? Would we be singing a happy tune? Might we be more determined to repeat the strategies that lead us to being more competent and satisfied? The smart bet is yes. An important element to our self-esteem and successful outcomes begins with getting back in the boat after we’ve been hit by that “not perfect” tidal wave and paddling with determination and confidence, even when we’re going upstream.
Perfection is an ideal seldom achieved by the countless who try.
The journey towards consistency, proficiency and success without the burden of perfectionism is worth the journey.
Dodge the ADHD Avoidance Trap
Do you excel at avoiding the most boring, uncomfortable, tedious priorities and tasks that your daily demands lay before you? Do you look the other way, search out a really shiny marble to fixate on, obsess over your task without taking action, focus on something less important and easier to do, call a friend, call a repair man, call anyone who can offer a distraction? Do you excel at any of these, all of them, or many others not mentioned? Are you concerned with your effort and progress? You are not alone! As anyone with ADHD can attest to, painful avoidance and procrastination can offer significant roadblocks to successful results. It might be possible to render those roadblocks to mere “bumps on a log” status, or perhaps a superhighway with a small pothole here and there.
There is work to be done and new routines and behaviors to be developed and practiced. There are numerous resources, strategies and techniques offered in books and online.
Many experts support medication as the most beneficial treatment option. Various strategies may still need to be implemented and medication can support and enhance your effort.
There are numerous tactics accessible and suggested online. I find the use of Binaural music for concentration and focused work helpful, and strolling in nature calming.
Here are only a few of the strategies various professionals have offered that are worth considering:
· Body Doubling: Working alongside someone else. The quiet presence of another person can provide a sense of being grounded and added accountability.
· The 5-minute Rule: Set a timer and commit to working for 5 minutes. You can stop when the timer stops or keep working if you’re feeling energized, which is often the result.
· Boost Your Dopamine: Create a list of activities that give you an emotional energy boost and activate one prior to beginning a difficult task.
· Change the Venue: Change the setting, the lighting, sound etc. you typically work in, work in a library, the middle of a garden, on a moving train. Whatever stimulates focus and energy.
· Fidget Tools: A squeezable cushy toy may render a distraction and a calmer state.
· Audio-Assisted Starting: Use voice-to-text tools to dictate your thoughts out loud if typing or writing feels like too much physical friction.
· Fortress Mode: Put your phone in another room or use strict digital blockers. Removing the friction of distraction works better than relying on discipline.
No one option will save the day every time or work equally for everyone. Some may not work at all. ADHD presents challenges that require effort and support. It’s important to find and utilize the ones that work for you and you benefit from.
Medication may be sufficient, or you may need to build in supportive strategies into your routines to augment the advantages of medication. You may benefit from the services of a coach or therapist or a combination of the many available resources.
What’s most essential to your success is utilizing the resources and supports that comfortably fit for you, and allow you to thrive in your own unique way. Don’t Give In! Don’t Give Up!
Acceptance
Acceptance is not giving in or giving up. It’s recognizing your experiences, your environment, your challenges, your gifts and your gaps without regret or judgment. Acceptance does not render life fair or just. It offers a recognition of the realities of one’s life.
When we accept life as it is, we relinquish efforts to control the uncontrollable and focus on the moment and what is, instead of what should or shouldn’t be. Accepting who we are and who we are not enhances our ability to understand where we fit in the landscape of life and to live and hopefully thrive without regret.
If you keep running into a brick wall as fast as you can and the end result is bodily pain over and over again, acceptance would suggest this is absolutely a bad idea and continuing without some adjustment will only offer more pain. Perhaps a ladder over the wall or a boost from a friend would suffice?
Facing the persistent roadblocks and pitfalls ADHD offers without seeking assistance or a boost over that wall is acceptance of what is rather than what can be.
You know what really wise people say, when life gives you lemons, sell lemonade.
Opportunities Appear, When We—
Do you ever feel stuck in your dreams, wishes, fears or longings, waiting for the universe or Amazon delivery to bring transformation, success and good fortune to your doorstep?
Aspirations attained are often determined by resolve and action; not by the good deeds of strangers, time spent waiting, or the fates of the universe.
I believe successful entrepreneurs and business professionals are living, breathing examples of this credo. You better believe Walt Disney didn’t sit at home waiting for adorable little Mickey to knock on his door. Nope, he went out into the hinterlands scouring high and low until he secured a contract with that lovable little critter.
How many of us lose opportunities for success when we get bogged down in self-doubt, fear of disappointment, failure or avoidance of outside judgment?
Many thriving entrepreneurs operate from a “Ready, Aim, Fire” mantra. That attitude, at the very least, gets them into the game. From there on, success will depend on planning, action, persistence, perseverance and talent.
Too many of us, sit for days, weeks, months and even years waiting for that prize we yearn for. Opportunities emerge from deliberate thought and action.
I hear it worked out really well for Walt and Mickey.
A No Limits Thought for the Day.
Self-acceptance is as critical as self-awareness. Stop the painful comparisons to adults who aren’t wired the way you are. These appraisals can engender a sense of failure and dissatisfaction.
Understand that you will pursue life from a different perspective (a unique one), not a lesser one. You will do some things very well and others not so much; you know, like most everyone else on this planet. The key is to maximize what you do well and minimize the traits that do not serve your best interest.
Life is a journey that is appreciated more fully when you travel as you were designed to, not as you think you are supposed to.
Potential Highlights Your Possibilities
How well can you paint a picture of your potential? Remember, Potential doesn’t include what you haven’t done, or what you have done poorly. Potential offers the possibilities of what you can do and who you can be. It is something you were born with and you either hone or lose sight of.
Adults with ADHD, can easily recite their lists of flubs, disappointments, unfulfilling efforts, embarrassing experiences and apprehensions. It’s easy to disregard achievements and potential when you’re hyperalert to the next disappointment or regret.
ADHD represents a part rather than the whole. A significant part at times, but still only a piece of the human puzzle. We are all a blend of many parts. Some serve us well and others must be managed to assure they do not subvert our efforts and our potential.
Claim the parts that serve you well!
Identify, explore, and utilize your distinctive strengths, gifts and potential to their fullest advantage with acceptance and appreciation rather than judgment.
No Limits Thought for the Week
It is so easy to get derailed on any given day. This whirling planet will present so many glitches, uncertainties, and human dilemmas that can challenge your determination and fortitude. It’s easy to imagine wanting to give up or in at times, to doubt your ability, effort or opportunity for success. It is imperative you never lose sight of your achievements and significant efforts. Your ability to be mindful of what you have accomplished is a valuable cue to what you are truly capable of and will provide the impetus for continued effort and your ultimate success.
ADHD is Only a Part Not the Whole
Does a lack of focus, poor follow through or procrastination hold you back from “being all you can be”? Commit to developing an authentic action plan that utilizes your unique gifts and strengths and help you fuel greater success.
Adult professionals who are challenged with ADHD are often, bright, gifted and creative. They may also have difficulty staying focused on critical tasks, struggle with organizational skills, are easily distracted and may find themselves bogged down by procrastination. Many rely on their intellect, charm and ability to bob and weave when cornered. It’s possible, they will make an effort to convince themselves that things are better than reality demonstrates. They may have great disdain for tedious activities and look for opportunities to avoid burdensome tasks. All too often they underperform and their lofty goals go unmet. An undercurrent of anxiety and self-doubt could get stoked each time a goal or opportunity is missed. This pattern may be repeated many times over. Years of underachievement can lead to self-doubt and negative self-judgment. Many have learned to say all of the right things to keep people off balance, but struggle mightily when facing their soft shoe act with eyes wide open. The ability to improve performance and achieve better outcomes is likely present. The primary ingredients necessary to achieve and sustain confidence, performance and self-esteem are frequently available; just add a goal, an individualized action plan, a strong commitment to the plan, a new skill or two thrown into the mix, a realistic timeframe and possibly supportive resources for extra flavor.
Create the Plan, Commit to the Plan, Work the Plan and Viola Success!
Sometimes
Sometimes we just need to know we are on the right track; heading in the right direction. Sometimes we need someone to point the way when we struggle to find it on our own.
Sometimes we just want to feel heard and seen. Most of us need to know we have value and are important, to our friends, our partner, our family, to ourselves and to the world! Some of us may feel alone and crave a moment of consideration.
Not everyone has a someone to hear them, see them, support them, guide them. Nor can everyone afford to pay a professional counselor whose services may be more intensive than what is actually required.
Today’s hectic and disordered world does not offer the ideal environment for meaningful human connection. We are constantly flitting from task to task, drama to drama, ordeal to ordeal, priority to priority. I listen to members at my local gym chatting with their personal trainers. I seldom hear them talking about nutrition, strength or exercise routines. They are much more likely to talk about their challenges, experiences and worries about their children, grandchildren, job, school, home and health. These folks pay for physical training, but benefit most from focusing on their personal stories and the human connection.
There have been many articles written about the long term physical and psychological benefits of meaningful human connection. I fear engaging in the moment and with those who benefit from our attention are traits quickly evaporating into the noise. Too often we are at the ready to tell our story and move on, overlooking stories to be heard and appreciated.
You may never know the true value of the time you take, to listen to a friend, an acquaintance, a loved one or a stranger, but they will know.
Ten Considerations for Improving Focus
You know a commonly held belief is, folks with ADD or ADHD can’t focus, but that is clearly inaccurate. Children and adults with ADD/ADHD are able to focus, and in fact, can focus intensely at times. This is most likely to occur when the task or subject matter is interesting and compelling. It is more accurate to say individuals with ADD may have difficulty focusing on what they need to when they need to, especially if the task is boring, tedious, complicated or time sensitive. Fortunately, there are some strategies that may increase the potential for focusing efficiently and thus reducing last minute scrambling.
For instance:
1. Define your optimum focus/work limit.
Each of us has a varied and limited time for effective focus. For some it may be as long as an hour or more, for others it may only be five or ten minutes. It is important to know what your critical stretch is and to plan your work accordingly. Whatever your maximum focus time, it is important to maximize your effort during that time. It’s not how long you work hard; it is how hard you work in your prime time.
2. Minimize the noise and distraction if you are prone to falling under the spell of sounds and activity around you. That will require turning off your computer (if the task does not require a computer), cell phone, television while you are working. Close your office door during peak focus time. Block out focus time on your schedule. Don’t answer phone calls or meet with co-workers during this time (true emergencies are the exception). If you don’t have an office find a quiet, comfortable room, or perhaps the library to work in.
3. Take short breaks (10-15 min) from your focused work time with something fun, relaxing or interesting. Take a short walk outside, get a snack, meditate, read an interesting article, exercise, etc.
Some people suggest playing a short game or talking with a friend/co-worker. This can help as long as you have the ability to stop and resume your attention to your endeavor when your break is over. If you get engrossed in the game or discussion and you have a difficult time returning to the task at hand, this will only add to your angst and frustration.
4. Maintain accountability. Set a completion time or date and share this information with someone you trust to remember and remind you. Check in with them to let them know how you are doing.
5. If your focused task is tedious, boring or complicated, break your effort into smaller parts, especially if it is something you don’t enjoy doing. Some people like to attend to the least interesting parts first to get over the hump, while others prefer to leave that for last. I suggest going with the one that is most likely to get you to the finish line. If what you are doing isn’t working try the reverse.
6. Get clarity! Remember, it isn’t that you can’t or don’t focus. It’s more probable that you will focus on what is most interesting and stimulating to you, until the fire alarm goes off and you have to jump into action. Ask for help when you have multiple tasks coming your way. Ask a colleague or someone in charge what your critical task is and when it’s due.
7. Try using background music or nature sounds when you are working on a task or project. Many people find this helpful for centering thoughts and focus. If you are someone that is distracted by any noise at all this would be a very bad plan and you are likely to send me an unfriendly note.
8. Break up the monotony by alternating difficult tasks with more enjoyable or interesting ones to work on.
9. Reward yourself at the end of a successful project. Folks with ADD/ADHD often have a need for immediate gratification. Plan out a way you can get rewarded for a period of productive focus and effort. If you must delay the reward, make it something really worth waiting for, like a pony or chocolate coated in gold.
10. It’s possible your efforts to enhance your focus and outcomes will offer inconsistent or limited success. You may be someone who could benefit from a medication that targets ADHD. There are many adults who have struggled to enhance their focus strictly through behavioral strategies. Many often report an increased ability to focus better for longer periods of time with the addition of a medication regimen that fits their system. Medications do not work exactly the same for each of us and can require periods of adjustment until the best regimen is identified. I would encourage a discussion with your primary doctor or a psychiatrist to discuss the potential benefit of medications if your strategies and efforts continue to fall short of your desired goals.
Acceptance is Worth the Effort
Life is so easy when every step we take reaps benefits and rewards. However, life can also be oh so stressful, when the wheels come off our wagon and the wagon is careening down the hill. There certainly will be moments when life happens without our approval or appreciation and then we are destined to feel distressed, stuck, frustrated, worried or angry and when we do, accepting the reality of the moment is essential.
Many experts encourage us to practice acceptance (“it happened”, “I can’t change or control it”, “it’s over”) as a means of managing those wheels coming off the wagon kind of days. Some folks perceive this concept as giving up or giving in, when actually it provides the momentum towards moving on. Acceptance doesn’t assure we will enjoy, benefit or approve of a particular event or experience in our life. It reduces the possibility of staying stuck in blame, anger, resistance or guilt.
It gives us grace for decisions and choices that have gone awry, freeing up emotional energy to influence consequential areas of our life.
Here are a few tips to keep in mind when that ol wagon starts coming apart.
Acknowledge: Objectively name the thought, emotion, you are experiencing.
Accept: The experience without judging or trying to block it or push it away.
Appreciate: The value and lesson in the experience, even the uncomfortable or unpleasant ones.
Action Step: Objectively name the stressor without judging it negatively.
Remember, acceptance doesn’t compel you to like or approve of a life event; it acknowledges reality so you can move forward effectively.
Beat The Clock
Managing time effectively can be a confounding and taxing endeavor. But time is only a unit of measurement. The key to managing our time successfully rests on how we manage ourselves.
There are tons of useful time management strategies and most will offer a measure of value. The problem is that many of us will succumb to distractions, boredom, frustration, anxiety or indifference. Any one of these can quickly sabotage our focus, performance, efficiency, productivity and time management efforts.
Each one of us is unique in the way we think, behave and perform, thus no one strategy will benefit all of us in the exact same way. Achievement levels are enhanced when we develop and use a working system that factors in our individual uniqueness.
Create and refer to a personal inventory of skills, resources, behaviors and routines that boost your efficiency and productivity as well as those that might impede your performance. Identify behavior patterns that alert you to potential performance disruptors.
Design a daily action plan that identifies one or two priorities for each day and pinpoint which strategy, thought, behavior or activity you will initiate when one of your disruptors threatens your effort. Step away from your activity and take a short break when you notice a loss of energy or attention.
There is research that encourages taking a few minutes each hour to allow the brain to rest from its work mode. This might be something as simple as closing your eyes and just going blank or meditating, walking to the water cooler, doodling on paper, playing the kazoo (as long as no one is within shouting or throwing distance) telling or listening to a joke, listening to relaxing or energizing music for a few minutes, reading the back of a Captain Crunch cereal box. Know what works best for you when it’s time to reload. Remember you are only looking for 5-10 minutes each hour whenever necessary.
Manage yourself intentionally and reap your rewards as “time goes by”
Happiness? Yes Please
Happiness isn’t a momentary elated experience such as winning the local church bingo game or receiving the all-time best birthday present. Rather, it’s a personalized state of contentment that weaves in and out of our lives emanating from the experiences we create and the actions we take. Sustained happiness is an essential ingredient for a life worth living.
Happiness studies have determined that roughly 50% of our happiness is determined by our genetics/biology, 10% by life circumstances and 40% by our intentional actions. That certainly allows for a significant amount of control we can wield to determine our level of happiness. If you have ever read any of my musings my strong belief in intentional behavior is clear.
The Harvard Study on Adult Development has identified, “strong social relationships as the single most important factor for happiness and health.”
Happiness is less about the big bang of the shiny new car or home, the big promotion, the 200,00 followers on YouTube or being chosen Prom Queen or King, even though any of those may make many of us happy in the moment. Happiness will more likely emanate from the small daily intentional extensions of thoughtful caring extended to a family member, a neighbor or stranger.
The hug we give is the hug we receive.
Some ideas for fostering and enhancing happiness are:
· Nurturing Relationships: Cultivating deep, meaningful connections with family and friends.
· Practicing Gratitude: Recognizing and valuing the things in life that increase your satisfaction.
· Living with Purpose: Engaging in the organizations, principles, activities and causes that matter most to you.
· Mindfulness and Contentment: Be present in the moment and recognize joyful opportunities, rather than constantly striving toward future milestones.
· Altruism: Express compassion and strive to do things for others, which builds and strengthens community and provides personal fulfillment.
Stress and worry are too often present in our daily lives nowadays. More focused effort on happiness may be just what the doctor ordered.
Acceptance Eases Life’s Challenges
Letting go of unsettling life events can be a tough cookie to swallow. Acceptance is earnestly acquiescing to what is happening or has happened without judging, negotiating, bargaining or blaming.
We may not always welcome or appreciate our experiences. We can obsess over them, click our red ruby slippers and wish for a different outcome, live in regret, or accept that an unpleasant event has occurred. An event that does not define who we are or mandate how we shall live. Life will spin us in many alternating, difficult and exhilarating directions. We can’t always predict when or what welcomed or unwelcomed event will transpire, but we can choose the words we use to define the experience and the behaviors we put into play to manage through it.
Accepting the moment rather than fighting against it or shutting down, allows us to refocus on what is within our grasp, what makes life truly meaningful, what can be achieved rather than what is lost.
Our emotions are impacted by our life events and subsequently by our mindset, the words we use, the actions we take and the attitudes we carry forward.
If acceptance is truly the key to happiness, as some experts suggest, we should grab an umbrella and keep an eye out for rainbows when life is pouring rain down upon us.
Let Success Guide Your Way
Do you have more energy, confidence and incentive when you focus on your successes or your failures? The answer is obvious to most if not all of us. Focusing on past and present triumphant efforts and outcomes will often lead us to feeling more energized, confident and motivated. This task is not always easy when life starts throwing roadblocks our way. Setbacks can feel overwhelming, tougher to face and to punch through, self-doubt may creep in and take hold, missed priorities raise anxiety, falling behind might create an emotional mountain to traverse, self-doubt and avoidance begins to creep in and any thoughts of prior or future success is unimaginable, and now you are stuck in the mud with no traction.
A good way to short-circuit this unpleasant route is to direct your attention to previous efforts and outcomes that have hit the proverbial bullseye. Take a few minutes to recall and write out (I believe pen or pencil to paper is more impactful with this exercise than typing or talking into a recording device) the steps you took, the strategies you utilized, the resources you relied on, the roadblocks you navigated through, the positive feedback you garnered, the emotions you felt and the lessons you learned the last time you burst through your roadblock and sustained a rewarding and fulfilling effort.
Make sure to read what you have written, silently and then out loud; record it and listen to it and finally post what you have written somewhere you will be sure to see when your momentum is stymied and you need a reminder of what your successes have taught you. Memories of successful endeavors can lead us out of the fog with great illumination.
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