The Best Of You
Your sweet spot, the exact moment when skill and effort meet objective with rousing delight. We all have those moments linking, talent, confidence and drive to achieve our best outcome. Those moments can evaporate quickly when we fall prey to our external and internal distractions and lose the connection to our best self.
I find a brief meditation (15-20min) or a walk in nature quiets the noise that distracts me from my mission and centers my intention and plan. Perhaps you have discovered a strategy or two to quiet your noise (life’s distractions, self-doubt) allowing you to excel in the moment. If you have not, take a few minutes to recall the last time you had a sweet spot moment and log what you accomplished, how you achieved it, what you were feeling and the value that was harvested as a reminder of what you can do and who you can be.
Thriving Through the Noise
There are so many impediments to our performance and success nowadays. Starting, persisting or completing a task may offer a variety of challenges which can lead us to the pursuit of welcomed distractions.
We live in a world whirling faster and faster and one filled with persistent distractions. There are instant diversions all around. All you have to do is wake up, open your eyes and pick one. There are two thousand of your closest friends just waiting to connect with you on social media, social media influencers ready to inform you on how to look, act and live, the myriad of bright lights, fun games and catchy tunes to keep you tuned in and locked on; and don’t forget the strain of the daily news reports that highlight all that is wrong with our world. Grab the next shining object whirring past you and hang on!
No time to observe organize, plan and persist. React now pay later!
Thriving through each challenge requires a goal, planful preparation, resolve (this must be finished), persistent focus and effort and an understanding of the reward at the end of the journey. It is ultra-important to know why your chosen project is important to you, what is the value for you? When you decide something is worth doing or is mandated to be done, be sure to write it down and share the value and your commitment to it with someone you trust. Equally important is knowing when you will focus on the project. What time of the day are you likely to put forth your best effort? How long can you usually sustain focus and your best effort? What distractions do you need to be on the lookout for? There are likely a number of them (tired of sitting, focusing, thinking, problem solving, hungry, feeling antsy, craving a look at your cell phone, wondering how Aunt Lucy is doing etc.). It’s important to be aware of your distractions and to have short breaks (10-15min) built into your schedule when they occur. Work in blocks of times that fit your style and focus. You must have a plan for hitting the wall or risk of abandoning your effort. What and who will hold you accountable when you struggle to move forward or stop? What support (something that can be said or done) will help you to get back into the fray. We tend to have more enthusiasm and energy when we realize the value of our persistence. Be sure to identify the reward earned from your effort. It may be something tangible like a promotion, or a rewarding smile from your partner, or a boost to your self-esteem after conquering that mountain you’ve just climbed.
Remember, each of us is unique. We work, think and feel in a way that is distinct to us.
It’s essential to operate from an awareness of what you need and how you work to be your best.
Why A Coach
What’s the big deal about working with a coach? What’s in it for me? I’m a successful professional and I manage my life pretty well. What’s the value in taking time out of my busy schedule to talk with someone about the quality of my life, my career performance, goals, and ambitions and have to pay them to listen? I have done pretty well on my own so far. Great questions!
This is an incredibly fast paced society we inhabit. How often does anyone take the time to pay attention to your thoughts and feelings while you try to navigate through this hectic world? How much do you miss simply because you don’t have time to pay attention? How often do your habits rule your behavior? How often do you wish you could be more efficient, more effective, and more successful in your life? How much more could you accomplish and experience if you stopped getting in your own way?
Would you be more likely to reach the goals you set, appreciate the way you live and reap the fruits of your labor if you had someone paying attention to you even when you are not? Someone, who is a vigilant attendant to your thoughts and actions. Someone who is aware when your thoughts and actions are in sync with your goals and when they are not.
Accountability to a plan is critical to its success. A coach assures that this accountability is maintained and can trouble shoot when it is not. A coach is the eyes and ears that provide an early warning system, which allows for the detection of misdirecting and self-defeating behaviors.
I have worked with professionals from a diverse range of career sectors. Periodically I am asked “what do you know about the business I work in”? I always respond by saying, my greatest value to you is my ability to understand how you work rather than where you work.
I steadfastly believe intentional behavior is a key to success in most areas of life. I coach with that belief in mind. To be intentional one must be mindful, focused and determined to effect change. Coaching assures a focus on intentional behavior, a challenge when it is not, and support leading to the desired goal.
So why a coach you may ask? The answer lies within the question: Am I as successful as I want to be, as far along as I think I should be, as content as I strive to be, as happy as I can be?
I Can and I Will!
You are convinced you can but does that guarantee you will?
“Can” relates to our ability to do something while “will” defines our determination/intent. I can, has greater power when it is in tandem with I will. I will, offers strength, conviction and commitment.
Surely many of us have thought about setting goals such as; advancing a career, creating a family, going to school, getting better grades, eating less carbs, learning to captain a submarine, finishing that project on time, becoming a private detective or learning how to swim before actually getting into that submarine.
We boldly proclaim; I can do it! And sooner than you can say Bibadi Bop, a few distractions or disappointments later and we’ve convinced ourselves it’s no longer important or necessary.
It is often our “will” that kick starts our initiative and keeps us pushing through and over the bumps and bruises of our efforts; keeping us on track and driving us to acquire the support, resources and skills that deliver us over the finish line.
Once you have decided you can and want to tackle a goal, take some time to locate that resolve/inspiration that compels and sustains your effort forward, the “I will”. Write it down. Talk it through with a trusted friend. Visualize your effort and the rewards garnered. The more senses you utilize the clearer something can become.
Success emanates from ability, determination and planful action. If you are going to set a goal, let it begin with a willful commitment to take responsibility for your actions and for your successes.
Resilience-The Gift That Keeps Giving
What keeps us from giving up when faced with an overwhelming challenge? What keeps us in the game? What gets us over the finish line when emotions, circumstances or self-doubts are screaming Give Up? How surprised are you when you persist, survive and conquer a significant life event?
I would suggest that it is often our resilience that prods us through the battle, muting our self-doubt, steadying our emotions, and pushing us over the finish line.
One of those brilliant AI bots described resilience thusly- “In simple words, resilience is the ability to bounce back from tough times, adapting to stress, challenges, and trauma without breaking, much like a rubber band stretching and returning to its shape. It's about coping with difficult emotions and experiences, finding strength to move forward, and even growing stronger from adversity, rather than giving up.”
We can’t touch or see our resilience, but we can trust in its presence, as we feel the energy kick in when we need the strength and drive to keep “stretching” through and beyond the traumas and dramas life presents to us. For some of us it is evidenced by a never quit-never-give up attitude, for others it’s a quiet persistence or perhaps a start-stop-start again approach. It’s easy to lose sight of what we are capable of until a challenging event expands our perspective of what is possible when we persist.
Never lose sight of your resilience and your capacity for getting through difficult times, no matter how convinced you are that you will not!
Living Mindfully
OOPS! There I go again, tumbling down those basement steps. As I lay at the bottom of the stairs, looking towards the top, I pondered the repetition of my mindless acts which often led to such results. I quickly recognized a mindless act to be the villain and my downfall.
I fell because I wasn't focused on not falling. Neither my thought nor actions were intentional. Rather than being mindful of what I was doing and what my desired outcome was, I let my thoughts race toward, my fear of being late for work and man's best friend who had yet to be fed and walked. I thought about everything except my feet safely touching each step until I arrived at my desired destination. When I walk down a flight of stairs, I should only be thinking about walking down that flight of stairs and nothing more. It is a simple rule with a guaranteed successful outcome that I had failed to adhere to.
The term “mindfulness” is quite popular in our culture today, the concept has been a mainstay of Buddhist teaching for hundreds of years. It is a simple practice that is often under-appreciated or utilized. How much more effective and efficient would our efforts be if we were attentive to the behaviors, actions and steps that enriched or impeded our journey?
Mindfulness is the act of slowing down and becoming tuned in to the internal and external activity inhabiting our space and mind that impact our behaviors, emotions and thoughts at any given moment. Mindfulness is a process of observation and heightened awareness that increases our opportunity to master our behaviors, environment and daily outcomes. Had the chicken been more mindful, it may never have crossed the road, and if it had, it would surely have crossed at night or early morning when the traffic was low and its chance for success high.
I believe the ever-rapid conveyor belt of life inhibits our mindful focus. Many of us pay too little attention to what we are doing and why we are doing it. Life becomes a habit rather than a choice. The demands upon our time, attention and energy are tremendous and ever growing. The societal norm is based on more and more and faster and faster. This pace does not support an opportunity for calm reflection and attentive action. It supports reacting to the moment instead of being in the moment.
Practice setting aside some time (10-15 min) each day to quiet your mind, sit in a peaceful space and notice the thoughts, distractions and feelings that drift into your awareness. Mindful observations provide clarity and awareness and offers energy for a life that is more in harmony with personal values, interests and beliefs.
Understand where you are going, why and the value of the journey.
Remember! If a chicken talks you into crossing the road, know what prompted you to say ok and always, always make sure the chicken goes first.
Want Something? Do Something!
Is there a goal, a wish, an aspiration that lingers on in your thoughts while you keep hoping and waiting to achieve it someday? Is there a problem you wish would just move on to another city, but it has taken up residence in the living room of you mind? Do you abandon your power and sit and wait for a good Samaritan or the Fates to rescue you? If you have answered yes to my last question there is no need to read any further. You have a plan! Continue waiting for that just right moment.
Chances are many of us are too patient in waiting for life to alter our circumstances, to enrich the quality of our lives or to resolve a problem. Perhaps we are too uncertain of what to do, too afraid of making a mistake or too afraid to fail. There is always a wise partner, family member, friend or professional to offer guidance, suggestions and encouragement when uncertainty/fear holds us back. We abandon our power to influence our outcomes and our life path when we wait too long or do nothing. Mistakes are a normal part of the process, we all make them and they can be corrected as we learn from them.
How much more rewarding will life be when experiences are enhanced, challenges accepted and met, goals reached, problems resolved and rewards garnered? Taking action is empowering, waiting is sitting and hoping. We may not always take the right or best action, but there will always be an opportunity for learning, achieving and change when we do.
It’s a New Year, heck, might as well Do something new.
A Gift to Be Shared
It only takes a compassionate word, a gentle touch, a warm smile to enhance our well-being. Simple behaviors can have a profound effect on our mood and disposition as they also do with those around us. Do you ever notice how you feel or how your mood changes when someone makes you smile, hugs you or offers a sincere thank you or compliment? Behaviors such as these likely initiate a strong chemical reaction that stimulates the warm fuzzy part of our brain. I believe that is the proper technical terminology!
Minimal physical or mental energy is exerted, our path and destination remain unaltered, there are no financial costs, no short or long-term commitments required.
We all possess the power to enhance the mood of family, friends, strangers as well as ourselves. Our lives are often filled with drama, stress, uncertainty and conflict and we may feel overwhelmed and detached from the power of a smile, a gentle touch or a kind word, but offering one is the same as getting one and the reward becomes twofold. It’s a gift worth practicing and repeating. You know that old adage, we get what we give.
I offer one significant caveat to the success of my suggestion and that is to be successful and impactful we will need to look up from our smart phones long enough to recognize a three-dimensional human standing in front of us or walking our way.
A No Limits Thought for the Day
One thing is certain, life will bring unanticipated turns, twists, dilemmas, worries and fears into your daily routine. Yep, count on it.
We are often unprepared for these unplanned, unexpected, unwanted, unwelcomed and likely out of our control occurrences. When these events blast upon the scene, our emotions are thrown out of sync. We may agonize, feel defeated, lose focus, feel anxious and struggle aimlessly through our daily routines. This may lead to passive surrender or distracted activity. We forget to initiate the power that comes from our ability to be planful, to activate our resources and to get thee moving!
Generating and utilizing an action plan can be a boundless remedy for those stifling life disruptors.
I’m sure you remember the wise old sage who said “When it rains hot dogs upon thee, open up a corner hot dog stand and they will come.”
Jim’s Thoughts for Staying On Task
Too often we get distracted or feel overwhelmed when we attend to an unpleasant task or too many tasks. We tend to run out of time, lose interest, partially attend to the task or feel overwhelmed , especially if someone else is dictating your activity.
I say if you are passionate about the task or tasks that are set before you, there is a greater chance you will conquer it. Passion and declaration of intent may not always suffice when our natural tendency to avoid unpleasant activity, seek out distractions, feel overwhelmed or procrastinate kicks in.
Then, you will likely need;
An understanding of how important your task is and the value of the outcome to you.
A reality check. Is this an attainable goal and am I ready and willing to put forth the effort needed?
A plan of action. Identify the necessary steps. Keep them small and manageable.
Consistent and persistent mindful thought and attention towards the goal.
Periodic review of progress made or lack of progress. Keep a daily or weekly success log.
A target date for task completion.
Support from those who champion your success.
Help when you hit a wall or begin to lose momentum.
Make the effort to identify the passion and value for you. We seldom commit much time and effort to things that don’t stir our coffee or hold little value for us. Sometimes the value may simply be, keeping your job, passing a class, pleasing your partner, avoiding a painful penalty, not feeling anxious or feeling satisfied and successful.
A Thought to Ponder
ADHD is not a disorder of knowing
what to do. It’s a disorder of doing what
you know.
Russell Barkley, PhD
A No Limits Tip
Whenever possible focus on a single step at a time until that is completed. Focusing on all of the steps or multiple steps in any plan will feel overwhelming and can inhibit sustained effort or shut it down completely. Track your progress and any missteps with a very brief daily journal entry.
There’s No Time Limit on Potential!
As best as I can ascertain, your potential does not come with an expiration date. I have yet to see, Best Used by Dec 31, 2025 stamped on anyone’s forehead.
We all have personal challenges and face roadblocks that can lead us to doubt the existence of our inherent potential. Once this happens it’s quite easy to lose sight of our ability and desire to, create, problem solve, learn, adapt, develop, organize, connect, teach, motivate, comprehend, thrive and grow.
I have worked with many professionals with ADHD who have fallen into this trap at times, but this is not just a dilemma for professionals with ADHD.
Every day is a gift that may offer a potential opportunity or two, along with the challenge of a whopping dilemma or roadblock to conquer. Our potential doesn’t change or evaporate, but it can get lost in the chaos or in our own disbelief at times.
Take time to create an inventory of what you know or have witnessed to be true about your passions, talents and triumphs. Your worth the effort! Encourage friends and family who know you best to add to your inventory. Keep your list close at hand and refer to it often. Let someone you trust, know when you are doubting your potential to reach a little higher and ask them for a boost.
Remember! Potential is not what you haven’t done, it’s what you were born to do.
A Simple Step Towards a Good Outcome
It is illogical to believe that significant accomplishments, gratification or approval can be attained, if the required action/activity is avoided, delayed or distractions are sought out. This is a dilemma many adults who possess traits of ADHD know all too well.
Many times, simply committing to working the first 15-30 minutes of the morning on a priority or initiating an action step before turning on dare I say it, the phone, computer and social media can boost your energy and motivation to sustain additional effort.
Focused and controlled activity is a key to creating and sustaining momentum and follow through.
Turn the Key!
Habits-Friend or Foe
Our habits abound in our everyday activities and often go unnoticed. One example is reaching for that cup of coffee the very first thing every morning of every day. A more relatable example nowadays might be reaching for that smart phone before you do anything and I mean anything.
A potentially great habit is committing to leaving your smart phone off or in another room when you are attending to a high priority project or deadline. Who are you, Jim? Blasphemy you say!
Perhaps adding an extra glass or two of water to your daily routine.
Or scheduling an exercise time and day and honoring it without deviation.
Eating a banana split every day or avoiding tedious tasks did not make this good habits list.
Good habits are often in the rear-view mirror of someone blessed with ADHD. You need them in plain view and in front of you as you drive forward.
Productive habits take time and effort to develop as do the unproductive ones.
Take a moment to identify a habit that serves you well and consider how you can sustain your awareness and make it stronger. On the flip side ponder how you might deconstruct a habit that derails your efforts.
Habits can help or hinder us. Your choice.
Something to Nibble On.
What we put in our body matters! A healthy diet is critical to a healthy brain and body. An easy start is drinking the recommended amount of water each day. We all know what an unhealthy diet consists of - high carb and sugar intake for instance. Overeating, abusing alcohol, smoking, abusing prescription and street drugs takes a toll on our ability to perform at our peak.
Eat as if your life and health depends on it because it usually does.
I am not suggesting dieting or complete abstinence from all pleasurable foods and drink. I am encouraging mindful awareness of what nurtures your body/mind to feel good/great and what does not and to use this as your guide when making choices.
We perform better when we feel better.
Getting Started is Half the Battle
Making it perfect is the bane of most adults who are impacted by ADD, as well as a source of frustrating procrastination. “What if I make a mistake?” “What if it doesn’t turn out exactly the way I need it to, what if others reject it or me?”
Why is this such a painful struggle? We all know the answer. It’s because few things in life are perfect, but this awareness does not preclude the persistent desire to make our efforts perfect, to be freed from our doubt and worry.
World-class athletes practice their craft for thousands of hours in preparation for Olympic events and yet skaters fall, skiers tumble, gymnasts slip, runners stumble and high jumpers hit the bar on the way up and down. They’re all excellent performers, just not perfect.
It is not easy to accept something as being “good enough”, but it can reduce the stressful internal dialogue, struggle and inertia that occurs.
Commit to a “good enough” philosophy when you face important deadlines.
Set a timeline for task completion and honor the effort and outcome. Practice by starting a small project (perhaps doing the dishes).
Ask for help getting started and for letting go once the project is complete.
Energize your efforts by perhaps starting out with a few jumping jacks, a brisk walk, a bike ride, an interesting 10 min. podcast or utilizing relaxing or stimulating music to help you take that first step and keep going. Can you add your own suggestion here?
Strive for being competent and productive in your life. Remember a C or a B is always better than an incomplete or a never happened.
A Quick No Limits Tip For the Day.
When starting any new endeavor, a primary question should be, what skill sets are necessary for me to be successful in my enterprise.? Your next query follows, are there additional skills that I will need to recruit from others.
Success is seldom attained from an “I can’t” or “I’m afraid” mantra.
Know what you do well and how to initiate your plan and have awareness of who has the additional skills that will complement your effort.